My crew is gone and I'm left to fend for myself. I was really sad to see them go after being together for so long. But there is lots of season left and some 5 to 7 more races that are still valuable parts of my journey back. With my personality I want instant results. Everything now, never tomorrow. But the gospel according to the BF is I need to stop demanding it all in one day. It's a process and it takes time. It's good to be disappointed, this shows how well I expected to do. However to allow my experience in Berlin to tether my goals for this season or ambitions for my overall career is not gonna happen, at least not on his watch.
You go, my St. Luke the second!
So i've had the blues and will feel disappointed because I know how hard we've worked. And how many had put their faith in me. Yet no one can deny me the truth that I was ready to compete, and face that moment head on. Nervous? yes, to not be meant I was dead. But fearfu?l no. So most of what I feel is my own personal blues that things were already over before they began, as I walked to the blocks like a lamb to the slaughter.
When I started training in the winter I was told to keep my expectations in check. Dream some--but not big. Many people never come back from Lisfranc fractures, so rare is this one that has its own name. I was told not to google it, but I did. And what I read made me cry and cry and cry. There hadn't been a known case in a hurdler and this made things the more curious. I would land on that foot with great force every single run. I wore tiny shoes that offered little protection. I trained on a hard surface day after day, there was no turf to save me. My training was so finite that I couldn't compete at a lower capacity like some sports, I had to be near 100% even in training. And at any moment that crucial arch ligament that ruptured itself from the metatarsal in my foot and caused them to shift permanently, could do it again.
Pop.
If I had run 12.90 seconds this entire season, that would have been a huge victory. No one would have blamed me if I hadn't made the world championship team. And after 19 months couldn't produce a time that was in the top 10 in the world. This was ok.
That was life after Lisfranc. Not your simple run of the mill overuse stress fracture, I gladly would have traded this for one of those. But instead one so obscure, unpredictable and straight up "nasty" that doctors prepared me to never to be amongst the worlds elite again.
So instead of dwelling on the curious case of cramping calves and making myself sick. I decide to focus on the great life God has blessed me with and how rich and indelible this season has already been. Medal or not. Some people only get to watch other people live their dreams, never passionate enough to have ones of their own. Or if they do, they can't find the nerve to pursue it. So glad I don't have that problem.
Berlin is over and unchangeable, no more looking back, next up is Zurich. The richest and most selective Golden League track meet on the tour and guess who has a lane?!
Thanks to all my wonderful mom, friends, family and supporters who have held me down as I build. And even though I never give up on myself, I know they don't either. As my BFF reminded me after the final, this time last year we were watching how other people's seasons unfolded, this time we get to watch mine!
You know who you are and how much I love you!!
P
